do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
