Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
