Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I think my moral compass just broke
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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