some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
