no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
