Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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