It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
