hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
