I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
