Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
