I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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