I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
