i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
