I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
