grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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