Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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