The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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