Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
