so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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