I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
