your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
