there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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