Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
