It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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