i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
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