dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
