The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
