In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
