It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
