shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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