my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
