More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
