Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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