no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize