she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
