i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
