I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize