How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
