Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
