Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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