my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
