i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
