Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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