I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
