2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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