So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
