So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
