he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize