Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
