Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
