You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
