this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
