sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
