Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
We got so high we made milksteak
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize