i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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