She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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