We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize