He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
