a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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