You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Randomize
