Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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