My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
