His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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