maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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