you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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